Reflections on Losing a Friend









Sad news is never good, so maybe we should occasionally think about how we could have made it less sad. I recently learned that a former friend, Dick P., had died. I use the term "former friend" as I had not kept in touch with Dick over the years. We taught together many years ago at Auburn University, but he moved over from our department to AU's computer staff and we rarely saw each other over the past twenty years. While we worked together, Dick served as my assistant coach one year when our Flag Tag Dallas Cowboys team was undefeated and won the "Shugar Bowl"! (Yes, there is another somewhat-better-known bowl, called the Sugar Bowl, but this one was named for former AU Coach Ralph "Shug" Jordan.)





Dick was a good guy; a very large, friendly, affable fellow. He also seemed to be a very lonely guy. He and another colleague, Floyd, spent a good deal of time together. They were both very bright and probably were considered "computer nerds". After Floyd married Teresa, they became a threesome--much to Teresa's dismay! Apparently Dick joined them for lunch most days for many years, and on lots of other occasions. (A side note: Floyd and Teresa met in my classroom, and have honored me by inviting me to lunch on their anniversary several times. They are a very sweet couple.)





Things we learned from Teresa and Floyd: Dick met a woman over the internet a few years ago, and married her! Floyd and Teresa were not aware he was even dating her, or anything. She came to Auburn to live with him, and they apparently did well. Dick had been ill in recent years with various ailments, including MS, and had taken retirement. He had been bed-ridden for a year or so. His wife stuck with him through his illnesses.





I learned of his death by reading the brief note in the "Obit" column of the local paper. It stated his name, and gave his age as 58. I was hoping it was another person, but the age seemed about right. There were no details given in the obit, so I called around and learned he had specified no funeral, no memorial service, no nothing. His body was cremated. Floyd and Teresa are disappointed as they felt a funeral service would allow some closure. I agree. I realize that some people feel they are doing what is best when they specify that no fuss should be made over them, but the truth is that everyone who cares for someone needs a way to express the loss, and the funeral service provides that for most people.



I feel a loss that is hard to explain. I had not kept up with Dick, and that is part of the pain. He apparently did not have a religious faith, and I don't recall ever talking to him directly about my own faith or sharing the Good News with him. We Christians all hope we set a good example by our behavior, but expressing our faith more directly is far better. That is my failing. I realize there are lots of folks we know and care for at some point in time and then we move on and don't stay in touch with them, but it saddens me to think I might have been a better influence with Dick. He was truly a lonely guy. I don't think he had many friends, and I don't think he came from a very good family background. Just my impression from comments he made long ago. I don't really know on these matters, but my sense was very strongly that he was a truly lonely guy.


Maybe I chose to write this blog to suggest the following. Rather than feeling remorse after the fact, we might resolve to stay in touch better, to love more freely, and be willing to express that love more openly. We should also express our Christian faith more freely, and just share our lives more with friends and family. This would surely allow us to avoid or at least minimize the many regrets after the fact. That would be far more productive. Anyway, goodbye my friend. May God be merciful to you, and forgiving to me for failing you.