Is "Keeping it Quiet" REALLY the best thing?!
I have been amazed at how many institutions--and individuals--seem to think that "keeping it quiet", i.e., not disclosing a wrong, is always the first and best thing to do. It is almost as if the "telling" is worse than the "doing"! This is especially perplexing when practiced by churches. The following are just a few examples from my own personal knowledge or widely reported in the public media:
The Los Angeles archdiocese of the Roman Catholic church recently continued that church's pathetic tradition by settling claims of over $660,000,000 from more than 500 persons who were sexually abused as children by priests. The same sorry tale has been repeated by several other archdioceses around the country. The offending priests were simply moved to a different parish and the major push was to keep everything quiet rather than deal constructively with this horrible and criminal behavior. Unfortunately, "keeping it quiet" is a common theme across many churches; not just the Catholic church.
A friend recently was relating a story of a youth minister who was "counseling" a vulnerable young girl from an unchurched family. When she became pregnant by him, she refused his request to have an abortion. The senior minister urged that all be kept quiet. The youth minister was sent off to seminary for more training and a fresh start--with no blemish on his record, of course. Not sure of the outcome for the young girl, but it was hushed up as quickly and quietly as possible. Keeping it quiet was the major concern!
Another friend told of a former roommate of his in college; a seemingly nice guy who went into mission work. After several transfers, he ended up at his hometown and was caught exposing himself to young girls there. Turns out he had a long history of deviant sexual behavior; thus all the transfers. Each time, rather than get the guy into treatment, and remove him from positions of power over children, it was all kept quiet and he was simply transferred and became someone else's problem.
A relative of ours learned that her church treasurer had absconded with the building funds they had been saving for several years. When she tried to discuss this with the elders, she instead hit a brick wall. No one wanted to talk about it. They definitely were not interested in bringing charges or holding the perpetrator accountable. They were hoping to keep the information from the church members! Keeping it quiet seemed to be very important; holding the church treasurer accountable was not an important consideration.
The list could go on and on, and I am sure each reader knows their own horror tales. Why is this so common in churches, of all places?! The problem is not limited to churches, of course. A prominent family in Auburn suddenly moved away, and some wondered why the sudden exit, but no one wanted to say. It turns out he had embezzled thousands of dollars, but no one wanted anyone to know. He was allowed to simply move away. No prosecution at all, of course. Let a person from a lower social strata take far less money and you can be sure they will serve many years in prison.
When I was serving as a faculty advisor to a service fraternity at Auburn University which provided care for AU's mascot golden eagle, we worked hard to raise funds to support the housing, care, transportation, etc. for the bird. Our treasurer embezzled a pretty large sum of money we had raised and held in savings. When the loss was detected, the great majority of members of the service fraternity were only concerned that he not be found out! He had apparently spent the money on frivolous things, and had no intention to repay the money. They saw it as simply a "write-off", but felt it was very important to keep it quiet. Not only should we not involve law enforcement, but we should work very hard to protect his good name. Why, this could damage his reputation and future life if it were found out! I tried to argue for a more responsible approach to the problem, at least having him feel some sense of remorse for his actions, but to no avail. I ended up resigning from my advisor role with them.
I don't pretend to know the full answer to why this behavior is so prevalent and accepted, but it is indeed very prevalent, largely accepted, and very perplexing. I think in part it is because we have lost a sense of responsibility for individual actions. We don't really believe we, or our friends, should be held accountable for our actions. Of course we think--and hope--we have taught our kids that actions have consequences. The Bible says " we will reap what we sow". They must wonder if this is really true, however, for those with "connections", "status", or whatever causes us to give a pass to so many. We like to think, and we say, "Justice is blind", but in fact that is far from the truth. Justice is largely determined by one's social status, bank account, "connections", etc. We think criminal acts are primarily committed by the lower economic and social class, and we gladly prosecute those folks when caught. However, let a friend or neighbor, or even a stranger who is "like" us, commit a wrong and very often our first impulse is to protect them. It just seems very harsh to actually hold them accountable for their actions.
I believe the results of this kind of thinking and behavior, if left unchecked, will be devastating to churches and society in general. "Keeping it quiet" is certainly tempting at times. I understand the dilemma elders and other church leaders face in dealing with problems in the church. People get upset and make rash statements and take rash actions when told of wrongdoing--especially in churches. We are tempted to think "the less they know the better" for many people. Keep them ignorant at all costs. However, I believe this only reinforces the errant behavior of the perpetrators. If someone is not held accountable, they figure maybe I can do it again ...and again ...and again. Most of the Catholic priests were repeat offenders--some were many-times offenders. The missions minister mentioned earlier did not stop his horrific behavior until he was finally caught and prosecuted. Would anyone really want that youth minister, mentioned earlier, at their church?! How could we believe he had truly repented and changed his life, if he was never forced to face his actions and their consequences?!
I know we all make mistakes. I have, and do, make many. However, we all must face our mistakes, take responsibility for them, and truly repent of them. This is more likely if we are not allowed the easy "keep it quiet and transfer the problem to someone else" approach so prevalent in all of society today.